That's intense
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
