that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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