Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
