I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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