Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
