She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
