It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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