We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
