I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize