The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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