I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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