Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize