he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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