I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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