Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
