dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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