There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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