Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i think my cat just said my name.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
