I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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