In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
