They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
