Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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