3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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