Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
