Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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