Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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