Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
