I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
