I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
