Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
