i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
