Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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