i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
