I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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