Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
