I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
