so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
