You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
