I have demons in me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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