So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
