somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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