I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
