I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
