Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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