so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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