i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
