2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
