I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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