We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drake has all the answers
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
