he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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