I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
