Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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