I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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