I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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