is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
