He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
