So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
