I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
