it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
