Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
