Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
