We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You smell like stripper and shame
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
