i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
