My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
