YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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