You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
